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Nine, easy.

Artie Lange, the comedian that some of you know from Mad TV, fewer know from Howard Stern, and most of you know as that fat guy from somewhere (maybe on television?), was released from the hospital today after being treated for 9 self-inflicted knife wounds. Nine. He stabbed himself, nine times. Reports say 6 of those wounds were “hesitation wounds” while the other three were “deep plunges.” That is three deep plunges to the chest, and six more attempts at deep plunges. This was all apparently a suicide attempt. Wow. A quick read of his wikipedia page gives a few lowlights of this unfortunate fucker’s life (worst among them, the MAD TV “Pig Story”), which make less a mystery of the recent headlines. Still, goddamn. 9 times. Somebody get this dude a rap deal.

Sky's The Limit.

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Full House began its epic 8-year run on broadcast television in the fall of 1987 on the ABC network. It debuted as one of probably a dozen new sitcoms programmed to start that fall in response to the resurgence of the sitcom format led by The Cosby Show, which had debuted on the NBC network 3 years prior to both critical and popular acclaim. In hindsight, there wasn’t much that September to distinguish this Franklin/Miller-Boyett production from the rest of the ’87 class to most viewers; but at least one 8-year old was watching, and  he  had a seat in the front row to witness the birth of a new media age and to the philosophy which has virtually changed the currency of our world. That philosophy, of course, is what the enlightened among us have come to know in decades that followed as “The Tanner Rules.”

But what are the “Tanner Rules,” exactly? We live our lives by them, but so often do not focus on the source of the principles we take for granted. I write this blog in an attempt to refocus you, and hopefully in the process to rededicate myself towards achieving a greater understanding of the fundamental social text of the last 25 years.

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